Gaining Self Awareness and Personal Strategies

Once upon a long ago I was sitting in a well-known coffee shop here in Singapore with two folks I’d only just met – Deborah Peterson and Dave Lim. Conversation got around to colours and profiling and within minutes I was saying, “I’d love to have my Profile done. That Emergenetics sounds fantastic! Can one of you do my profile for me, please. Soon?”

I know we are not supposed to predict what Profile a person may have, but no prizes for guessing what you might see in my profile based on that insight!

I got my code, logged in and filled in the necessary info all the while tapping my foot because I really couldn’t t wait to get answering my questions. Very few minutes later I was done, and if my memory serves me correctly I think I was on the phone shortly after asking how long it would be before I could have my Profile.

A couple of days later I met back up with Dave. It is no exaggeration to say that when I saw my Profile a light came on and decades of feeling no one understood me disappeared. Yes, I am one of those who lives their life in a diagonal universe. A bi-modal Profile that is all but a few percent Yellow and Red. 3/3rds for all my behaviours, and no one to my right in the yellow line in the room. An outlier all my life. In these colourful diagrams in front of my eyes I saw the reason why.

Let’s go back to my school years. I hated mathematics. Why? Because the teacher would ask me the answer to a problem. I would give her my answer. She would as me how I got there. I would say, “Miss, is my answer right or wrong.” She would reply, “How did you come to your answer, Jacqueline?” To which I would retort, ” Why does it matter how I got there. Miss? Is my answer right or wrong?” Her reply, “Yes, Jacqueline, your answer is correct however I will have to mark you wrong as you will not tell me how you arrived at it.” You can imagine my chagrin. Report card after report card that said I was very bright but belligerent. Hey ho. Labels. And labels stick.

And what of at work? “Jacqueline, slow down you are thinking too fast.” Or, “Stop taking things so personally.” Or, “I’ll get back to you when I have something to say. I have no time for small talk.” Or, ” This idea you have, it’s too left field for us.” Or, “How can you be so flexible one minute and so driven the next. It does my head in.” And so on. Labels on labels.

It can be very lonely when you feel there is no one out there who sees the world the way you do. It can be hard work trying to do things the ‘conventional’ way when your brain just wants to take a different approach that you know will suit you better and make life easier and more fun.

Understanding the way I think and behave Emergenetically has revolutionised the way I see myself and the way I navigate my way through life. I appreciate now why I am actually really good, for example, at collecting data and analysing complex spreadsheets and yet putting the data into the spreadsheet drives me crazy with boredom. I know that when I have to do work I do not enjoy I do it early in the day for a specified period and then I reward myself with a task that makes me happy when I complete it. Or, I take myself out for a walk for a few minutes to recalibrate my brain. I now love mathematics. I recently read a fantastic book on Fermat’s Last Theorem. Why fantastic? Not because of the proof per se. Not at all. It’s fantastic because of the beauty and lyricism of the proof and the mind-blowing commitment of the amazing men and women who tried for 358 years to solve it.

Not long after I had my Profile done I was very fortunate to do my Certification with Geil Browning in London when I was over in Europe on a business trip. Perfect timing. Life changing.

I consciously use my Profile every day. It gives me pause for thought, helps me consider how I need to approach different people or circumstances, guides me when I plan my working day and helps me understand my feelings if I feel hurt or rejected. I’m very happy now in my diagonal universe where my seven bars and a pie nourish me in a way seven bars of chocolate and an apple pie never could.